no cyborg of roboincubator born shall harm space macbeth
i’ve been on antidepressants for about a month and i mostly feel better lately? i haven’t had any breakdowns where i just stop and can’t do anything all day and i guess my baseline mood has been a little more stable, i’m not sleeping nearly as well but i think that might have more to do with the fact that i haven’t been using weed lately, which i decided to try and stop because i was worrying it was making my mental health worse even if it does guarantee me a decent night’s sleep.
for a little longer than i’ve been taking meds i’ve been dating someone local for the first time since i moved back and it’s going well. it’s so weird just starting to date someone cold rather than getting to know them through the internet, developing a friendship with them, and then having something evolve out of that. not bad, i guess, just different. not what i’m used to.
i’m more into cock than i’ve ever been in my life and part of me is pretty embarrassed about that.
things are pretty okay
finally crawl out of bed at noon on a sunday and i nearly trip over a bottle of lube, spent tenga egg, rubbing alcohol and ink. the tattoo i gave myself last night looks pretty okay. it’s a little uneven but that’s alright, it’s fine. i haven’t vaped in two weeks and i dreamt about being in a survival horror videogame all night and i’m wondering whether maybe the memory degradation and low-grade depression that comes with using weed everyday is a fair trade for having eight hours of utter blessed blankness a night. there is an empty tall can of beer on my nightstand that i drank while watching a vin diesel movie from fourteen years ago at one am while jabbing a pre-sterilized needle into my leg over and over before unwrapping one of the six eggs clearly intended for use by harried salarymen and jerking off to some grotesque erotica. i felt fucked up immediately after coming but reminded myself that this junk’s days are numbered and that i might as well subject it to every possible erotic condition before it gets hacked up by government doctors. i turn 27 in four days.
pulled-up hoodie and tight jeans sitting in the corner bunched up trying to take up as little space as possible except in carefully-constructed circumstances of your own choosing is like, classic pre-transcore and there’s not necessarily anything wrong with it but i hope you don’t feel like you have to be that way forever and i hope you can reconcile it with the way you’re so confidently, perfectly able to take up space in enormous boots and a dress and fake freckles someday.
- Everyone is not dumber than you
- Everyone is not smarter than you
- Resist a politics of paranoia
- Your feelings are valid
- Feelings don’t justify actions in themselves
- Hold boundaries even when people hate you for it
- Accept freely-offered aid
- Voice your needs
- Apologize less